I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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