why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
