this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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