It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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