I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wear drunk well.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize