so that wasnt chicken after all
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I didn't notice because vodka
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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