Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i think my tv is drunk
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
