I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
