He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
