i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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