im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
