you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
