He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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