Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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