im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
