How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
lol hangovers are for mortals.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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