from now on my penis is your penis
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
