I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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