dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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