I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
