I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
