So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
