I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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