At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
