why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
