i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
