i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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