I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
