That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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