Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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