People in love make me want to vomit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
