i barfeds in our rink
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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