I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
