im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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