fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize