Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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