I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
