Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
