exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
