If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
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I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize