Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
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I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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