haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
