I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
