that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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