This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
