literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...