I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
love makes seman taste better
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
