btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
