so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i think i just lost a toe
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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