he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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