i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
