I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
