Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
