In the future we'll all be gay
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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