I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
