is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
