its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
