A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
