Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize