I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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