Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
