Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
