Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
