i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
