You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
